I had my first drink when I was 14. Alcohol quickly became a crutch and a way to numb the pain… of my childhood traumas, my parents’ divorce, the onset of my anxiety/depression, etc… It provided the escape I was always searching for.

I started partying and stopped caring about school. I had always been at the top of my class, but almost failed my entire sophomore year. My mom wouldn’t let me self destruct and sent me off to boarding school as a repeat sophomore. My first “second chance”.

I was quickly diagnosed with ADHD and put on medication. I always knew I was “different,” so this diagnosis was life changing. People with ADHD are much more likely to have substance abuse issues…

Boarding school provided a rigid structure that allowed me to thrive academically. I ended up getting in to Dartmouth College - the school I had been living and breathing my entire life. Even as a baby in a onesie.

Dartmouth’s entire social culture REVOLVES around alcohol. The unofficial college mascot is a keg with a face - his name is “keggy”. Everyone I went to school with heavily abused alcohol. This all fed into my thinking that this kind of drinking was NORMAL and the “everyone else does it so do I really have a problem?” mentality.

During college, I was sexually assaulted (after passing out from alcohol in my own living space) and experienced other traumatic events, culminating in excessive partying and drug abuse.

I knew I had a problem for about 5 years before I actually stopped drinking. I dealt with mental health issues throughout my 20s and had some pretty dark times. But alcohol was always there to temporarily “make me feel better”… it was a constant in my life that I depended on.

As I moved into my 30s and stopped “partying,” I found myself stuck in a cycle of: drinking right after work —> happy hour or Housewives —> getting a horrible nights sleep —> waking up feeling like crap —> eating whatever —> having no motivation to exercise —> REPEAT.

On January 3, 2021 I decided I would try dry January. I had made it a few days without a drink - never a week. I was scared but, as cliché as this sounds, I was sick and tired of CONSTANTLY feeling sick and tired! SOMETHING had to change.

I was the heaviest I had ever been, I was in a relationship that had long expired, I was unemployed (due to covid but had no motivation to even look for a new job), and my anxiety was reaching levels of paranoia. It was bad.

I am now over 2 years alcohol free and my entire life has drastically changed in the most magical and amazing ways.

Mentally: my anxiety has diminished to the point where I can irrefutably confirm that drinking alcohol was like pouring gasoline on a fire for my mental health. And I no longer suffer from depression.

Physically: I’ve lost 100 lbs and am in the best shape of my life. I feel strong and confident and am proud of my body! I never thought this was possible.

Spiritually: I’ve never felt so connected to my higher power / the universe. My spiritual journey over the past 5 years has allowed me to step into the highest version of myself and align with my true purpose. The mind is SO powerful.

Quitting alcohol was the best decision I’ve ever made. I am eternally grateful that I put myself first and broke the vicious and toxic trap drinking created in my life.

My new normal - waking up early ready to take on the day, exercising in nature (Central Park!), eating healthy, meditating, journaling, and constantly pushing myself to step outside my comfort zone - are all things that alcohol *tried to steal from me, but that I’ve finally taken back.

As I continue to work through my past traumas and recover out loud, my goal is to share my story in hopes of helping others who are suffering in silence.

I’ve learned some useful tips and tricks throughout my journey, and I’m here to show you that there’s no “right” or “wrong” way to recover. We each have our own paths, so do what feels right for you. Let’s end the stigma and break the cycle together.

Anything is possible with the right mindset. It’s never too late to change your life!